Chief executive Simon Clegg said that while he expected Keane to bring silverware to Portman Road the club also had a responsibility to ensure they could catch him as quickly as possible.

He added: "The net is the safest method, but if he manages to outrun his carers then we are prepared to bring him down with a tranquiliser dart and then secure him to a wooden plank using strong leather bindings."

Much of the club's offices and training facilities have been padded in anticipation of the appointment, while a treatment room has been refurbished to accommodate Keane's electro-shock paraphernalia.

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Shite!

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Okay, so technically what I am eating there isn't a kebab - it happens to be a cheese naan, with a layer of cheese and then another cheese naan on top. If that doesn't sound unhealthy enough, it has another layer of cheese on top of that and then some chips and some beans for good measure. This was from Kebab Kid on the Cowley Road and is the height of all awesomeness!!

This article is the culmination of many an argument with people who tell me that I wouldn't eat a kebab if I knew what was inside it. Those people really don't know me very well....

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What a game! Mansfield came to Oxford on an impressive unbeaten run but, thanks to a neat bit of play between James Constable and Craig Nelthorpe, went home with nothing.

Oxford have lost only six times since the start of November but now have to see how the teams around them use the games that they still have in hand. It could be a last minute push to the playoff places and perhaps a place back in league football where Oxford belong.

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